a) I'm over it now. Over and done with over-analyzing every minutia of my life.
b) I'm not happy that I had coffee really late and it's now 3:35am
c) I'm very excited about my splendid cardigans and will be rotating all 3 of them this summer.

I need sleep

But at first, in the beginning, what agonies I endured in that struggle! I did not believe it was the same with other people, and all my life I hid this fact about myself as a secret. I was ashamed (even now, perhaps, I am ashamed): I got to the point of feeling a sort of secret abnormal, despicable enjoyment in returning home to my corner on some disgusting Petersburg night, acutely conscious that that day I had committed a loathsome action again, that what was done could never be undone, and secretly, inwardly gnawing, gnawing at myself for it, tearing and consuming myself till at last the bitterness turned into a sort of shameful accursed sweetness, and at last?into positive real enjoyment! Yes, into enjoyment, into enjoyment! I insist upon that. I have spoken of this because I keep wanting to know for a fact whether other people feel such enjoyment? I will explain; the enjoyment was just from the too intense consciousness of one's own degradation; it was from feeling oneself that one had reached the last barrier, that it was horrible, but that it could not be otherwise; that there was no escape for you; that you never could become a different man; that even if time and faith were still left you to change into something different you would most likely not wish to change; or if you did wish to, even then you would do nothing; because perhaps in reality there was nothing for you to change into.



-Fyodor Dostoyevsky , Notes From Underground

heh i found my OLL uniform in the garage and i have it on right now for some reason and i look hilarious and ok i'm going to take it off now haha

+first grade teacher's name: don't remeber haha
+last word you said: i dunno i haven't talked in 3 hours
+last song you sang: the theme song to arliss hehe
+last person you hugged: um
+last thing you laughed at: something on arliss
+last time you said "I love you": mm..
+last time you cried: hm...like almost 3 weeks ago..yes..i am a loser!

Present

+what's in your CD player: radiohead
+what color socks are you wearing: not wearing any
+what's under your bed: a rug
+what time did you wake up today: 11

Future

+where do you want to go: nyc
+where are you going to live: i can't even imagine heh..probably the street
+Virginia or Pennsylvania: pennsylvania
+how many kids do you want: umm 1
+what kind of car will you have: whatever i can afford heh..which is nothing


+current taste: umm
+current hair: ahaha..my short emo thing...it looks better than before now cause its straighter
+current clothes: jeans and shirt..like always..hah..
+current smell: mm
+current longing: to be disgustingly happy as i was 3 weeks ago
+current desktop picture: heh this funny pic with trent, danny lohner, and maynard.
+current favorite artist: elvis costello
+current book: prozac nation
+current worry: that maybe i am hopeless
+current time-wasting wish: sleep
+current hate: myself
+story behind your lj username: its my name with three 6's
+current favorite article of clothing: these corny looking sugar sneakers i just got
+favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: lets see...
+last CD that you bought: sonny rollins- saxophone collossus
+favorite place to be: anywhere but here
+least favorite place: here
+strong in mind or strong in body: mind
+time you wake up in the morning: 8 or 9
+if you could play any instrument: mm..piano
+favorite color: green
+do you believe in an afterlife? no
+how tall are you? 4'11''
+current favorite word: fuck
+favorite book: Crime and Punishment, East of Eden
+favorite season: fall or spring
+one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: ...
+one person you wish was here right now: that cool guy named mike..cause mash is on!
+favorite day: my birthday
+a line you remember from any book: this is a lil more than a line..well its actually a paragraph: I was ashamed (even now, perhaps, I am ashamed): I got to the point of feeling a sort of secret abnormal, despicable enjoyment in returning home to my corner on some disgusting Petersburg night, acutely conscious that that day I had committed a loathsome action again, that what was done could never be undone, and secretly, inwardly gnawing, gnawing at myself for it, tearing and consuming myself till at last the bitterness turned into a sort of shameful accursed sweetness, and at last--into positive real enjoyment! Yes, into enjoyment, into enjoyment! I insist upon that. I have spoken of this because I keep wanting to know for a fact whether other people feel such enjoyment? I will explain; the enjoyment was just from the too intense consciousness of one's own degradation; it was from feeling oneself that one had reached the last barrier, that it was horrible, but that it could not be otherwise; that there was no escape for you; that you never could become a different man; that even if time and faith were still left you to change into something different you would most likely not wish to change; or if you did wish to, even then you would do nothing; because perhaps in reality there was nothing for you to change into. --FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY, NOTES FROM UNDERGROUND


+a line from the last thing you wrote to someone:--
+a random lyric: 'i want to be your blowjob queen'

heh...umm..i got yet another barbell today. its one of those knocker things. :-D

Bruman248 (12:44:06 AM): u ever get the feelin that u wanna masturbate but u too lazy to do anything?
for JOY divisioN (12:44:25 AM): yep
Bruman248 (12:44:44 AM): that';s how i feel right now

ok i just got this email here...

Eyan and The Truth

Monday, August 5th @ 9:00pm
Bowery Poetry Club (*new venue!) - 212.614.0505
308 Bowery, between Bleecker & Houston
$7 cover charge
(because they've literally only been open for three weeks, and because there's a two-person comedy act on before us, we definitely won't be running late at this show, so please plan on us starting right at 9:00 for this one - thanks!)

Tuesday, August 6th @ 8:00pm
The Bitter End - 212.673.7030
147 Bleecker Street, between Thompson & LaGuardia
$7 cover charge
(we're the second act of the night - I know that we've been notorious for starting late here, but Kenny and Paul, who run the club, are going to try to keep things on schedule, so please plan on being there on time for this one as well...)

News & Updates
O.k., o.k.....I know that we've been gone for awhile. Sorry about that. We're definitely not trying to avoid you, I promise! I hope all of you are having a great summer so far. When we haven't been in the recording studio working on the follow-up to our first album "Sounds of Music," we've all been just taking care of some things that needed time and attention to be taken care of. Thanks to all of you who've written and called to find out when we'd be playing again - it really means a lot to have all of you checking for us and looking forward to our next show, and we're glad to be back! During the past few weeks, a good friend has really gone out of his way for me and gotten us into a position where some very influential people from the music industry have asked us to set up some shows so that they could come check us out live and see how we get down - we can't do that right without all of you! As always in the music game, there are no guarantees, but in the event that everything goes as planned, think of me as Commissioner Gordon shining the Eyan and The Truth symbol up against the moon (Batman fans, help me out, please) and keeping our fingers crossed that all of you can come out and support us like you always have, this time around even more than usual. To maximize our options, we've scheduled two back-to-back shows here in NYC, and while it would mean the world to us if you could be there for both, believe me that we'll be more than grateful if you could only make it to either or. Bring yourselves, your extended family, extended circle of friends, anyone and anything extended (almost anything. Get your minds out of the gutter.), and someone please bring Simon from "American Idol" so that we can make him say something nice for a change. Hey - we're all entitled to guilty pleasures. I'm just willing to admit it. So there.

All right - see all of you in a week and a half. And as always, thanks for everything!





AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! mikemikemike. we must go. they're like this neo-soul band but nonetheless still good..and like yeah my old guitar teacher who taught me absolutely nothing is in it.....shit!

my day.
by dana

woke up at nine (just like every other day)
then i almost started freaking out cause i was like WHERE'S MY HAIR! my memory is so great right
sat in bed till ten listening to howard stern (just like every other day)
watched cartoons till eleven (just like every other day)
yeeah then went to work
the 4th graders were on some trip so after the 3rd graders had lunch and i swept and everything....it was 1:00 and there was nothing to do
so what did i do?
left.
hah.
and then i got some grape soda and pop tarts.
and watched cartoons
...and nothing...
and then at 6:30 i had to go walk chelsea. that dog is so nuts.
and came home and i've been sitting here ever since hahaha

omg i seriously look like i'm corny emo dork girl. grrrrr,
I MIGHT AS WELL BUST OUT THE DICKIES AND START LISTENING TO THAT FUCKING DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL SHIT!!! AHHHHHHHHH.

HOLY SHIT! i just got 6 inches cut off my hair. its not real short, but a lot of hair is gone heh. like on the side its a lil below my ear and in the back it goes to like the end of my neck heh...SHIT! i look funny.

i'm annoying aren't i??
come on tell me!!!!

My name is: dana
I may seem: psyciatrically unstable
But I'm really: unsure
People who know me think: i don't know what they think...well what do you think people??
Sometimes I feel: like taking a long vacation
My days are pretty: boring
Yesterday: worked
In the morning I: watch cartoons
I like to sleep: with 4 pillows
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: watchin jerry weldon blow that horn
Money is: rarely seen
One thing I don't have that I wish I did is: a life
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: my whole body
All you need is: sanity
All I need is: normalness
If I had one wish it would be: to be normal
When I look in the mirror I see: fat and some acne
Love is: pointless
My body: is uglier than eunice in a mini skirt
If an angel flew into my window at night I would: go back to sleep
If a demon crashed into my window I would: throw a party
If I could see one person right now it would be: umm vicki...mike too haha
Something I want but I don't really need is: death
Something I need but I don't really want is: cigarrets
I live for: jazz music..jazz men..b7
I dare you all to: try and convice me that i'm not the worst person ever..HAH!
I am afraid of: normalness
It makes me angry when: i' m being lead on
I dream about: rainbows and butterflies... ;)
I daydream about: you don't even wanna know...



1 minute ago: answering some other question
1 hour ago: talking to vicki
1 day ago: I was sitting right where I am now
1 week ago: doing nothing
1 month ago: doing nothing
1 year ago: definitely doing nothing
1 lifetime ago: who knows
I hurt: myself
I love: that special someone
I hate: gauging my ears
I cry: when i'm sad
I fear: hyperventilation
I hope: you'll change your mind
I sadden: when things sadden me
I feel: empty
I kill: nothing
I talk: to myself
I break: shit
I see: you
I smell: like a summer's eve...hahahha
I taste: nothin
I work: at a shitty place
I remember: very little
I hold: some thoughts
I hide: my feelings
I pray: never
I walk: to work
I drive: nothing
I read: dostoyevsky
I burn: various things..
I breathe: second hand smoke
I play: the saxophone
I miss: you know
I touch: the keyboard
I learn: the hard way
I feel: empty again
I know: that i suck
I have: nothing to lose
I want: to have fun
I fall: for you
I wait: for you
I need: YOU! GEEZ WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU MYSTERY PERSON! >:o
I live: in the corner
I die: in the corner

shit sooooooo um
today was...yeah the same
when i was outside picking up dirty bottles some kid goes to me 'you're not supposed to be out here are you' and i'm like 'why not'....'cause'....'cause why'....so then i start to walk away and he's like 'what's your name' and i said 'dana' and he said 'what' ...'DANA' no one understands me when i say my name! its fucked up. DA-NA four letters and two goddamn syllables. geeeeez. and then some other 4th grader decided to point out that she's taller than me. ugh. i also got paid for the 3rd,8th,and 9th of july...10 hours..haha...it was supposed to be 12...but remember that day when i came in an hour and a half late?? hmmm was it really worth it in the long run??................dunno........

anyway yeah..and last night i decided to go to bed at 10:30 cause i was really tired and had a headache and for some reason my neck really hurts so i can only turn it at a certain angle heh...so vicki calls at 11 and wakes poor dana up..and kept apologizing for not being able to come on saturday but it didn't really matter i had plenty of fun without her haha...ha...i dunno why that's funny...... yeeeah

my arm is so gross. i hate it. hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate

it.

OK. so today = 6 hours of cartoons + 20 minutes of ignoring maria. pretty interesting.

..there's this thing i wrote last night...in my never ending quest for clarity...and i dunno when i'll post it if i'll even ever cause i don't really feel like going into all that heavy shit...i think we're all a bit sick and tired of my bitching and/or me.

all right...i know you all are dying to know, so...i got both of em in! my ear hurts so bad. and i really had to push the second one cause the back of the hole was so small.

yay!

yes! got my barbells today! so far i've only gotten one in and it hurts like a bitch so i don't think i'll be sleeping on the left side anytime soon heh

i have now realized that any meaningful thing that any person has said to me ever has been complete and total BULLSHIT!

but that's ok...

well its isn't...

but i spose its all good right?

hah.